BOOKS & OTHER MATERIALS
Posted: Jul 15, 2015

All You Have to Offer is Your Brokenness

I was recently sitting with a friend by the pool. I felt compelled to share a story I had told no one in years.

"Did I ever tell you about the time...?"

I opened up a dark and formative part of my past with someone. It involved an incident that I had handled, for which I had sought and received forgiveness, for which I had made amends. Then I packed it up gently and put it on the top shelf of an unused closet in a back bedroom of my life. I thought there was no need for me to ever mention it again.
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Posted: Sep 6, 2016

Blinded by Grace

Ever feel discouraged in progression, or lack thereof, in the journey to purity? I certainly can relate to that, but I have discovered God's view can be quite different from ours.

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Posted: Jul 26, 2017

Communication In Marriage - or Lack There Of

Communication is a Big Deal

“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.” A famous line from the 1967 movie, “Cool Hand Luke.”

In marriage, good communication needs to be a high priority. Open, honest, and clear communication is a heavy-duty building block for trust.

Poor communication between husband and wife opens the door to misunderstanding at a plethora of levels and intensity. Making assumptions is a form of poor communication, which can lead to tension and mistrust.

Cutting corners with this piece of marital construction material is inviting foundational collapse.
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Posted: Mar 4, 2016

Emotional Support Beyond Your Spouse

I love hearing stories of couples who have enjoyed many years together in marriage. Not just enduring each other, but truly happy together. One key theme these stories often share is that successful couples are involved in community. These couples—who not only have been married many years but also report more contentment and joy in their marriage—have healthy emotional support outside of their marriage.
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Posted: Jan 25, 2016

Finding Safe Accountability as a Christian Leader

Part 1

Christian leaders live and minister inside a fishbowl where all their professional work and personal choices are constantly on public display. To function effectively, the Christian leader often operates from behind a "pastor mask". It's not that the mask is a ruse or fake, but it does have some necessary inauthenticity built-in when it comes to interacting with non-intimate relationships.
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Posted: Feb 1, 2016

FINDING SAFE ACCOUNTABILITY AS A CHRISTIAN LEADER

Part 2

In my previous article, we discussed the inherent difficulty Christian leaders have in finding safe, yet vulnerable, accountability. While it's not to say there wouldn't ever be a congregant or employee mature enough for such an undertaking, it's certainly not typical.
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Posted: Feb 8, 2016

Finding Safe Accountability as a Christian Leader

Part 3

In my first two articles, we recognized the need for Christian leaders to have safe and vulnerable accountability relationships with others. We've also been honest about the particular difficulties for finding such unique individuals. But what should a Christian leader do when a safe person can't be found among other ministry colleagues or in our other contexts where trustworthy relationships might normally be discovered and cultivated? Here are a few thoughts...
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Posted: Sep 4, 2015

Five Common Roots of Sexual Addiction

Part 1 - Neurological Conditioning

From what I have learned treating sex addicts of all sorts since 2000, there are essentially 5 common types or roots of sexual addiction: Neurological, Psychological, Trauma-induced, Intimacy-Aversive and Mood/Brain-functioning roots.
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Posted: Nov 9, 2015

Five Common Roots of Sexual Addiction

Part 2 - Psychological Deficits

The second most common type of addiction—psychological—is created when sex is used to “medicate” against painful memories or relational experiences from childhood in adulthood. In other words, we all have emotional/relational needs that must be met developmentally: affirmation, attachment/bonding, affiliation, trust, responsibility, honesty, and others.

 

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Posted: Nov 16, 2015

Five Common Roots of Sexual Addiction

Part 3 - The Trauma Factor

The third most common type of sexual addiction is called Trauma-Induced and is the result of sexual trauma. Sexual trauma means "any event that alters or damages a person’s self-perception or understanding of healthy sexuality." This can range from normal childhood experiences like “playing doctor” or exploring to actual acts of rape, incest or molestation.
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