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Relationship—Not Religion

Relationship—Not Religion
by David Zailer
Operation Integrity

I was trying to convince my therapist that my faith in God was all that was important to my recovery from addictive sexual behavior.

He shrugged and said, "David, I think you need a different god, because the one you believe in hasn't done you much good."

I was stunned. And he was right.

Whatever I had previously thought I believed and then professed to others regarding God and/or religion didn't matter much because it obviously had not been authentic enough to really work for me. Others in the fellowship have experienced this same realization about their own religious beliefs and opinions. Those who claimed no God were in trouble and what others may have professed about God hadn't helped either. We all ended up in the same place–addicted. Call it whatever you want. What we really needed was real and effective help, and with an open mind and heart, we became ready to receive that help!

The concept of faith may offend those who consider themselves too smart to believe in God. For some, the mere mention of the word "faith" threatens self-indulgent egos and self-mastered lives. Some of our group had believed God was nothing more than a concoction of weak-willed people who were searching for answers through religious distraction and effort. And I agreed with them in one respect. Any "god" created within the mind of man is not God. Any "god" defined solely by human terms and descriptions serves only the dictates and demands of someone's predetermined thinking, which is to some degree, always flawed, shortsighted and ignorant. In these ways, whatever is believed cannot be God. In a similar way, indifference, complacency, defiance, self-sufficiency and prejudice are in some ways understandable for those who, like me, were raised in religious environments that lacked nurturing love, were abusive or didn't affirm the human dignity God created within all people. We all suffer from pride and our own prejudices which block us from discovering God in a way that truly makes a difference in our lives. However, with hope for a new life connecting with the painful motivations created by our addictions, we realize we must seek God on His terms and not our own. We must allow Him to tell us who He is and what He is all about.


Operation Integrity www.operationintegrity.org

Operation Integrity's goal is to create educational Christ-centered 12 Step literature, develop recovery and peer support fellowships, and provide public speaking and counseling services.

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When Lost Men Come Home In spite of the title, this book is for anyone struggling with sexual compulsions. David Zailer does an excellent job of going beyond "stopping negative behaviors" and speaks very clearly about recovery being a change at the heart level. This book is written from a 12-step perspective but key concepts used in psychologically-based groups are also present making this a book any person or group could benefit from. This book is especially good those just beginning the journey and people struggling with multiple addictions.
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Posted: Sep 25, 2015,
Categories: Men, Women, Spouses,
Comments: 0,
Author: David Zailer
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