In my first two articles, we recognized the need for Christian leaders to have safe and vulnerable accountability relationships with others. We've also been honest about the particular difficulties for finding such unique individuals. But what should a Christian leader do when a safe person can't be found among other ministry colleagues or in our other contexts where trustworthy relationships might normally be discovered and cultivated? Here are a few thoughts...

A man's sense of self-esteem is directly tied to whether his wife will take care of his sexual needs. Even when a wife doesn't feel like being sexual, she should submit so as to build her husband's positive feeling about himself. A husband doesn't really care that she isn't fully present, as long as he gets his sexual needs met.

In my previous article, we discussed the inherent difficulty Christian leaders have in finding safe, yet vulnerable, accountability. While it's not to say there wouldn't ever be a congregant or employee mature enough for such an undertaking, it's certainly not typical.

If men can't get enough sex from their wives, they will have no choice but to seek it elsewhere. This belief can be very dangerous and lead some men to very sinful extremes such as pornography and even affairs. We have found that some Christian men even use this belief to justify a habit of masturbating believing that "everybody does it" so it is the norm and nothing is wrong with it.

Christian leaders live and minister inside a fishbowl where all their professional work and personal choices are constantly on public display. To function effectively, the Christian leader often operates from behind a "pastor mask". It's not that the mask is a ruse or fake, but it does have some necessary inauthenticity built-in when it comes to interacting with non-intimate relationships.