How Pornography Impacts Marriage

How Pornography Impacts Marriage
by Shelley Hitz

Unfortunately, I know what it feels like to be on both sides of a pornography addiction. My husband and I have both struggled with pornography and masturbation in the past. My struggle started when I was 25 after being married just two years. At the time my husband was working in full-time youth ministry and we were both active in the church. It was a secret sin that I struggled with for two years. I am thankful to say that I have now been free for over a decade.

However, I have been able to see firsthand how pornography impacts a marriage. Although we never used pornography together in our marriage, our separate struggles with this sexual sin left consequences we are still dealing with today. God is bringing healing to our marriage but it has taken time.

To illustrate, let me share this analogy with you.

Keep Your Fire in the Fireplace

Imagine your house has a fireplace to provide heat in the cold winter months. Well, let's say that your spouse asked you to start a fire when you got home from work. What if you decided to start the fire in the middle of your bedroom instead of in the fireplace? Would your spouse come home and think everything was normal? Of course not. And what would be the consequences? You could literally burn your entire house down and be homeless within hours! Talk about being left out in the cold!

Our "fire" of sexual passion is also designed for the "fireplace", the "fireplace" of marriage. If our sexual passion is let loose outside the boundaries of a committed marriage, it will leave damage....just like the damage that would occur if you started a fire in the middle of your bedroom instead of in your fireplace at home.

What is the moral of this story? We are to keep the "fire" of our sexual passion in the "fireplace" of marriage.

"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer -- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love." Proverbs 5:18-19

The Consequences We Faced

Even though neither of us had physical sexual affairs, we had mental ones. And we learned to satisfy our sexual passions independently through masturbation. Over time, we gave our sexual energies and passion to pornography and masturbation instead of to each other. We began to have sex less and less and were not coming together in unity through sex the way God intended. We also developed a distorted view of sex.

Thankfully, that is not the end of our story. God rescued our marriage and has forgiven us. And He is now in the process of healing us. One thing I have learned is that sexual sin leaves behind consequences. We can’t escape it. The consequences may vary from person to person, but there will be an impact at some point…even if you don’t see it now. However, I also found that there is forgiveness, hope and healing in Christ.

Therefore, always remember this: no matter where you have been, no matter what you have done and no matter what has been done to you; there is forgiveness in Christ and there is hope.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Shelley Hitz has been ministering alongside her husband, CJ, since 1998. They currently travel and speak to teens and adults around the country. Shelley's main passion is to share God's truth and the freedom in Christ she has found with others. She does this through her books, websites and speaking engagements. Shelley's openness and vulnerability, as she shares her own story of hope and healing, will inspire and encourage you.

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A Christian Women's Guide to Breaking Free from Pornography
Shelley has been writing and publishing books since 2008 including the book she co-authored with S'ambrosia Curtis, A Christian Woman's Guide to Breaking Free From Pornography: It's Not Just a Guy's Problem.

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Posted: Jul 15, 2015,
Categories: Women,
Comments: 0,
Author: Shelley Hitz
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