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Five Common Roots of Sexual Addiction

Five Common Roots of Sexual Addiction

Part 4 - Fear of Intimacy

by Jayson Graves

Intimacy-aversive (sometimes called 'sexual anorexia' or 'intimacy anorexia') addicts have more trouble with "acting-in" than acting-out in the context of a relationship. This can be evidenced by behaviors that tend to sabotage or erode the intimacy in that primary romantic relationship: withdraw, withholding, blaming, shaming, avoiding, hiding, controlling, etc. Sound familiar? Nearly 40% of all sexual addicts also deal with Intimacy-aversion. There are 3 common roots of Intimacy-aversion: 1) attachment disorder with one or both parents, 2) sexual trauma and 3) reflexive/reaction to the sexually addictive behaviors.

While I don’t think I personally deal with this type at a significant level, I can see that I was a prime candidate: my relationship with my mother growing up was volatile and with my dad it was shallow; their relationship had its own issues and ended in divorce. I was sexually traumatized to a significant level as described earlier; and I experienced overwhelming shame guilt and fear towards my wife early on in our marriage because I was still walking in the addiction and acting out. Even today, I have to be on guard for ways that I can tend to subconsciously sabotage the intimacy in our relationship through blaming and controlling, behaviors common amongst those of us dealing with same-sex attractions.

Part 3 - The Trauma Factor

Part 5 - Mood Swings
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Posted: Nov 23, 2015,
Categories: Men, Women,
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