Five Common Roots of Sexual Addiction

Five Common Roots of Sexual Addiction

Part 5 - Mood Swings

by Jayson Graves

The last common area, which I can relate to, is Mood-affective sexual addiction. This type is characterized by a pattern of using sex to placate or control the highs and lows of mood swings. The two most common medical diagnoses related to this pattern are depression and bipolar disorders. The fact is that sex addicts deal with mood issues at a rate of nearly 4 times the general male population 26% for the former, 7 for the latter. Thought that often accompany the acting-out range from “This will make me feel better” to “Well, if I just get it over with I’ll be able to go to sleep.”

I have dealt with depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder or ‘S.A.D.’) and anxiety and have benefited greatly from using natural supplements including GABA, 5-htp, vitamin D and others to combat the effects of these. Before recovery, I would feel compelled to use masturbation to comfort myself when feeling down, depressed or simply lethargic instead of finding someone to talk to, workout or experience adventure. Now, I am living the real and engaged life I always wanted: triathlon, hiking, skiing, and pursuing new adventures regularly instead of using the escape of acting out and fantasy as a counterfeit source of adventurous fun and exercise.

Getting better

I was eventually able to deal with my confusing attractions towards other males and walk in a God-honoring relationship with my wife by bringing those under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, body, mind (soul) and spirit. He’s encouraged me that “there is no condemnation for those is Christ” and “there is no temptation that has ceased you except that which is common to man.” Growth and integrity have come not through “praying the gay away” but by earnest, prayerful, scriptural meditation and dedication, Godly mentors and friends but it required more than just spirituality: 1 Thessalonians 5:23 says “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole body, mid & spirit be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” In other words, being “sanctified” (or cleaned-up) involved a more holistic, whole-person approach that focuses on spirit, soul (thoughts and feelings), AND body!

I started many years ago by casually attending a local recovery group. That helped me to learn that I was not alone. But it wasn’t until I got into an intentional recovery rhythm that I started to live in freedom. I got into a group where I was actually accountable for walking with integrity in my boundaries (avoiding the acting out behaviors or even getting close to them), regular recovery work, physical exercise, adventurous fun and connecting regularly with others during the week. I also had been doing therapy for years but when I got serious about recovery, chose to seek out someone who had experience with recovery from sexual addictions and same-sex attractions specifically. This included the therapy technique called ‘E.M.D.R.’ which helped me process the trauma I experienced at a whole level and in a completely different way.


If you’re dealing with sexual addiction, I would recommend starting with an initial assessment by a therapist who specializes in this specific field. This issue is far too complex for a counselor with a general practice and no training in recovery or specialization in same-sex attractions. Second, it is important to get into a recovery group that is based in true accountability, commitment, interaction, and (meaning that it involves the actual numbers regarding your plan, asks its members to be there every week and speak into each others' lives vs. "complaining," "drop-in," "no-feedback" groups).

Part 4 - Fear of Intimacy
Posted: Nov 30, 2015,
Categories: Men, Women,
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