We rarely, if ever, put the idea of blessing into the same realm with pain. They seem opposed to one another, like trying to mix oil and water. But having worked in addiction recovery for the past dozen years, I have discovered uncanny links between them. And if we pay attention to these links, we might find that our pain can have a purpose that is good and redemptive.

As a counselor who specializes in sexual issues, I’ve heard from many wives with spouses who struggle.  Their stories of courage fill my heart with gratitude for their resolve and strength.  Their stories of pain and betrayal grip me and tear my heart in two.  If you are a female who has experienced the infidelity of pornography or other sexual sins your spouse has committed against you, I have no doubt you can relate to the pain I am describing.  I seriously wish time and other circumstances allowed me to sit down with you as a friend, and listen to each of your stories for hours.  I would love to cry with you, hug you, hold your hand, and offer encouragement and support.  Since that is not possible, I’d like to offer a very condensed summary of some of the things I’d share if we were in person.

The problem is that when we engage fantasy (like pornography) we use our imagination to draw us away from the real world, not to better connect with it.

Dear Precious One,

I have been where you are. I am no stranger to the shame that you feel. Although they are now in my rear view mirror, the horrible self-hate, the embarrassment, the sexual desires that I feared I could not control, the depression, the regret, and so many other emotions were all too real to me not long ago.

Loneliness: The disease of the soul that is common to all mankind.  Loneliness:  That burdensome feeling that we run for our life from through busyness, addictions, NetFlix binges, talking on the phone, zoning out, video games, sexual activity, internet use, and probably a hundred other things. Loneliness: That thing that God uses almost like nothing else to grow us, to help us face ourselves, shape us, and teach us to be relational with ourselves, others and Him.