I could sense the familiar dampness coming to my eyes as I spoke aloud the words from the Lord’s scripture. "Though you have made me see troubles many and bitter you will restore my life again; from the depth of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again."—Psalms 71:20, 21.

When I was 8 years old, my dad died of cancer, leaving a gaping hole in my heart... and in my life experience.  I didn’t have a father-figure to model manhood for me, so I faltered and floundered throughout adolescence.

Clutching my well-worn bible tightly to my chest like it was the last piece of hope I had left.  Warm tears spilling out of my eyes and running down my cheeks collecting on the feather pillow. I had feared this day and yet never could have grasped the painful feeling that would come over me as those old wounds were sliced open again.  A relapse is what my husband called it, but to me it was another betrayal. 

My whole being feels trapped in a broken world invisible to other’s eyes. A world that my lips cannot explain and a place not many could comprehend. I silently keep fighting against the ruins that try to crush my hope. I no longer feel God’s love. I feel alone. I’m scared that this will be my fate, my downfall in life. Will I ever feel good enough as the person I am? But who am I anymore? It is so hard to find the strength to lift the heavy burdens of my broken heart and throw them aside in hopes that maybe underneath it all is a piece of my original design that survived the blow...

As a pastor and a professional counselor, I've noticed an alarming trend among many Christian men - they've simply given up in the battle for their own sexual purity.  Even though the activities these men engage in - like Internet Pornography - are often in violation of their very own conscience, they've simply acquiesced and are no longer even fighting back.  One big reason men give up in this way is because of their miserable track record.  After failing repeatedly, many men surrender to the lies that they cannot change, and they're going to fail anyway, so what's the difference?  By giving up in this way, the enemy of their soul has them exactly where he wants them - defeated and neutralized - far from the warrior poets they're called to be in the kingdom of God.