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Myths About Men's Sexuality—5

Myths About Men's Sexuality—5

Myth 5

by Dr. Mark Laaser

A man's sense of self-esteem is directly tied to whether his wife will take care of his sexual needs. Even when a wife doesn't feel like being sexual, she should submit so as to build her husband's positive feeling about himself. A husband doesn't really care that she isn't fully present, as long as he gets his sexual needs met.

Is that really what men want, to have their self-esteem tied into their sexual activity? We find that women who are truly only submitting and not enjoying sex, are really building up resentment that will have a very negative effect on the whole marital relationship. It is true that men can have self-esteem and that this should be based on his relationship to God and to others.

Emotional and spiritual intimacy will develop if a wife submits to sex. This last belief has adopted the standard of the world. Sex is the main thing. If couples have enough of it, their relationship will be much healthier. We even saw a news story recently of a pastor who asked the married couples in his congregation to have sex every day for a month. This pastor said that doing so would increase intimacy and decrease the divorce rate.

How wrong can the order be? What is true is that God calls couples to be emotionally intimate first, best friends. In marriage, he calls them to be soul mates, a one flesh union. Then sex becomes an expression of it. That is the right order. When we get the order of intimacy right certain passages of Scripture like Paul's teaching in I Corinthians 7 and Romans 5 make more sense. We are called to marriage for many reasons one of which is to withstand the sexual temptations of the world. The way to do so is not to have lots of sex, but to be companions in the journey of intimate marriage. Being sexual in a marriage is always a matter of serving and being sacrificial, but as Paul also says in I Corinthians 13, we should never be demanding or seek our own way.

Finally, we do know that many couples struggle with sexual health and experience problems with dysfunctions and desires. Today, through there are many Christian counseling resources to help with those. The greatest enemy of sexual health in marriage is silence. If you are struggling as a couple, do what we did, speak up and be of enough courage to talk to someone and find help.
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Posted: Feb 3, 2016,
Categories: Men,
Comments: 0,
Author: Mark Laaser
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