We have all been there. Each one of us have had a defining moment that has knocked us down. I once heard someone say… a miner is not looking for the dirt, but the gold. So how do you find the hope and healing among the devastation: your gold within the dirt.

What in the world would make a fish go after a worm on a hook.  Perhaps it’s because he’s just a total idiot. Or he’s a disgusting gluttonous pig who can’t control his desire. Maybe it’s because he’s evil. Possibly it’s because he’s worthless and doesn’t even deserve to live at all. No, in reality, the fish goes after the worm on the hook for one reason: he is hungry and doesn’t comprehend that his meal is on a hook that will eventually take his life.

For many of us our wedding vows included a commitment to love and cherish one another in sickness and in health and “for better or for worse.” It’s easy to act loving in the “better” of marriage, but when the “worse” arrives on the scene, that can be an entirely different matter. The variable is what shape worse takes.

I am living proof that a person can go on to live a happy life after being betrayed by their spouse. I have a very good life, and found out that I am stronger, wiser, and more resilient that I ever imagined. Over the past year I have learned and discovered more about sex and pornography addiction than I had in previous decades. Through my learning, I have developed compassion, and most importantly, that his addiction was not my fault.

Communication is a Big Deal

“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.” A famous line from the 1967 movie, “Cool Hand Luke.”

In marriage, good communication needs to be a high priority. Open, honest, and clear communication is a heavy-duty building block for trust.

Poor communication between husband and wife opens the door to misunderstanding at a plethora of levels and intensity. Making assumptions is a form of poor communication, which can lead to tension and mistrust.

Cutting corners with this piece of marital construction material is inviting foundational collapse.