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Communication In Marriage - or Lack There Of

Communication In Marriage - or Lack There Of
by Dan Wobschall

Communication is a Big Deal
“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.” A famous line from the 1967 movie, “Cool Hand Luke.”

In marriage, good communication needs to be a high priority. Open, honest, and clear communication is a heavy-duty building block for trust.

Poor communication between husband and wife opens the door to misunderstanding at a plethora of levels and intensity. Making assumptions is a form of poor communication, which can lead to tension and mistrust.

Cutting corners with this piece of marital construction material is inviting foundational collapse.

The Frustration Trap

Frustration is a common symptom of poor marital communications. Frustration is born of unmet expectations. Unmet expectations most often stem from poor communication with your spouse (or others). Your wife or husband cannot meet an expectation they are unaware you have for them.

Open communication is a vaccine for frustration. My wife and I don’t do this perfectly, but we are learning and improving. It takes daily, thoughtful intention to turn this vital tool into a great offensive weapon to guard your marriage.

Tips for improving marital communications

    • Set aside daily time, whenever possible, to share your day's events and activities. Make a diligent effort to do this. This is part of the process of being fully known as a husband to your wife.

    • Be a good listener. Yes, you've heard this over and over again, because its great advice! Hear what your wife is saying; acknowledge her conversation, feelings and emotions. If your wife is talking to you, she is telling you something about herself. Pay. Attention.

    • If she is sharing a problem with you, don't immediately try to fix the problem. Listen and become a safe place for her to land her emotions and thoughts. If she asks for help or input, by all means offer it. Try to put yourself in her position as she shares her thoughts and concerns.

    • Send her an email, text or give her a phone call during the day. Let her know she’s being thought of. It send’s a message of love and security that she needs to hear from you.

    • Be conscious of your body language and facial expressions. Scowling, restlessness and voice inflections can easily send an unintended, wrong message, especially in a tense conversation.

    • Pray for each other daily. This can be an uncomfortable process if you’ve not done this previously. Embrace the discomfort and work through it. You’ll discover a deeper sense of intimacy you won’t reach in any other activity.

    • Assume the best. In the case of uncertainty or misunderstanding, assume the best of your wife. Assuming the worst often leads to unfounded or unjustified frustration and anger.

    • If you’re faced with criticism, choose to learn from it. Getting defensive only elevates tension. Get the facts out in the open and let them tell the true story. Again, assume the best and not the worst.

    • Learn to laugh with each other in daily events. It is so true that laughter is great medicine. Know each other’s boundaries, but have fun, joke with each other.
Be open and Honest
Open and honest with your wife. It will put to rest much tension and frustration, and in many cases, stop it from rearing its ugly head in the first place.

Learn from my mistakes:
The communication broke down in the early years of my marriage, in part due to the type of jobs I held and the long hours I worked. As a 911 Dispatcher, EMT with the local ambulance service and part time police officer, a lot of what I dealt with was confidential and private.

After years of not talking about work, that slowly crept into our relationship and so began a slow fade into poor communication in our marriage. I then began to use porn and chat rooms as a substitute form of communication and (false) intimacy I felt I was not getting at home. I bought that lie hook, line and sinker.

I was anything but open and honest with my wife during those years. The unraveling of my wife's trust in me was deafening when I was caught.

Hope for restoration
The trust relationship my wife and I have now exists because of hard work at restoring our communication, embracing grace and forgiveness and thereby growing trust. By God's grace, my 32 years in the grips or porn are behind us. The level of open dialog between Julie and I is what keeps our relationship stable and growing.

God's command to we husbands
Remember men; our wives should be treated as Christ does the church. He sacrifices for her. Washes her clean in the word and, in His blood and presents the church as spotless before our heavenly Father.

As husbands, we are commanded by God to do that very thing. That calls for daily sacrifice, love and attention to every detail of our wives lives. Love, nurture, support and care for her. After all, she is a daughter of the King of kings.
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Posted: Jul 26, 2017,
Categories: Men, Women, Spouses,
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